Have you ever wondered if you ever really know what you're doing? This may sound strange, but I never really saw my life past high school. For some reason, it always went blank after the day I was supposed to leave for my freshman year of college. I had it all planned out, and then just... black. I don't really know what I thought would happen. Not quite die, but it was like after high school I wouldn't be responsible any more for the consequences. Well, this was two years ago, and I still feel like I'm free falling. I am literally making it up as I go, and it is the scariest feeling in the world. When you like having plans, not having them is the hardest thing to do. But as hard as I try, I can't make a concrete plan for myself. Let's just say, two years ago, I never ever thought I'd transfer colleges. I never thought that I'd move back home in order to save a little money. I never ever thought that I'd miss this place. I feel like everything is more confusing than I thought it would be. I've changed too, in a way I do not feel is for the better. Which may be why coming back to southern California is the best decision for me. Maybe I'll go back to being me. What I am doing is the scariest thing in the world, and I just keep trying to convince myself that it's alright and everything will be okay. Have you guys ever felt like this? I feel like I've been going down Alice's rabbit hole for two years now. I really just want to reach Wonderland already.
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