Wanted: Nerd for love

Guys, all I really need is boy who is a huge dorks and likes the Muppets to love me. Is that so much to ask?

Only fools fall in love

So remember when I warned you all that I would use this as a journal? Well, that time has come. So there is this boy I have known for going on five years now. For one and a half of those five years, I had a tiny crush on him. I suppressed my feelings because I felt like I was being silly, he was a year and a half younger than me. I vaguely referred to it at the time, and he was like oh, cool. Maybe he was too young to get that I wanted something more. After that blip, we became best friends. Then I went off to college, while he still had 2 more years of high school. I'd text him every so often, and I'd see him on break, but that was really it. Until this summer. We hung out all the time, mostly going to the local dog park with his golden lab retriever. We somehow became really close. And then we both went to college. Today we hung out again, and somehow, I'm attracted to him again. He's not that different, but I feel selfish. I don't want him going back, I want him to stay with me. I wanted him to man up, and kiss me. He got so close multiple times in those two hours we were at the dog park today. I swear, do I smell? Even if he had just grabbed my hand. MER. 

Missing you.

Have you ever missed someone much more than they could possibly miss you? I mean, it's very possible he misses me just as much, but he never says it first. It's always me saying that I miss him, and then he tells me that he misses me too. But does he really miss me, or does he just feel it'd be rude to not say so? I sometimes feel like I shouldn't miss this person, as they are two years younger and just starting college. And clearly, they never miss me first. But there is just something about this person where I know he is meant to be in my life, in whatever capacity. And because I know this, I will try my darndest to make it happen. I have no idea where our friendship is going to take us, but I desperately want to find out. I want this person to be in my life forever. So maybe I miss him more than I should. But is that really so bad? 

Happy Days Are Here Again

Long time no post, folks. Sorry about that, I get distracted very easily. But tonight I am home in my real house, the one I have lived in for years being VERY anti-social. All weekend (since Thursday night, really) I have been in the very long process of moving into an apartment close to my new school. This has made me not only tired, but I don't even want to be social. I am very content with sitting in my pj's, watching the Graduate for my popular culture English class. However, I feel like I am doing something wrong, that I am so content with not talking to anyone. I also have an overwhelming desire to play dress up in my clothes (one of my favorite past times), but unfortunately the majority of my clothes are currently a forty five minute drive away, which makes it very hard to try them on in different manners. I probably should start on my homework, but I don't quite understand the directions, so I feel as though it'd be pointless. More proof I need to move out, I am so not in the mindset of school. Anyhoo, here's some inspiration to help you through the  week, I know I'm going to need it.

Tumblr!

Sooo I have a tumblr. You are free to check it out if you'd like, it's very similar to this blog. Almost the same url, in fact.

http://chaseallthecloudsfromthesky.tumblr.com/

Somewhere, out there.

I'm sick of waiting around for something that will probably never happen. But I am too scared to take the leap of faith, and do something myself. It's funny, I go after what I want academically and professionally, but when it comes to matters of the heart, I freeze. I'm sure everyone is convinced I'm a lesbian, but I swear I'm not. I'm just scared. Scared that I will never find what I'm looking for, but also scared of settling. I'd rather be alone and independent than dependent on a guy who just turns out to be a jerk. I'm getting nervous though that I will never find that perfect someone and I will end up an old, dried up cat lady. 

I know I am starting to sound like some loser who spends all of her time complaining, and for that I apologize to my few followers. But in my defense, I did say I would use this blog as a personal way to express myself. So ha. To make up for it, here's some inspiration. Lord knows I need it.

Rant.

I honestly cannot stand that people can act one way to your face and another way entirely when you are not around. I also hate that people have this need to pretend to be nice, but have a lilt of dislike in their voice when they speak to you. Just be real. If you don't like me, whatever but stop pretending because all it does is make me want to cry. I am starting to feel as though no one really likes me, and that I am here for everyone to poke fun at, but not to be long lasting good friends. I am the convenience friend, and it is driving me MAD. What did I do to deserve to be walked all over? I am fine being on my own, but I am terrified that I have doomed myself to be alone for the rest of my life. Being independent doesn't mean I don't want to be around people. Being different shouldn't be such a sin. I am starting to worry that something is wrong with me. It's scaring the living daylights out of me, I just want to be loved. Is that too much to ask?

I feel like crying. I miss the feeling of not worrying about people. I miss the people I could count on. I am terrified to transfer and have to start all over. What if I don't make any friends? What if I never find a guy, and I stay this abstinent, never been kissed loser forever? AGH. I am scared, guys.  Why is the future so scary? Okay, end of rant.

Mischief Managed.

Every so often, there is a piece of entertainment that manages to move a generation. I firmly believe that Harry Potter is one of these masterpieces that managed to entertain, teach, and emotionally attach young people to fictional characters and a story we wish was real. I know I was sad when my letter to Hogwarts never came at age eleven. Harry taught me to be brave even when things got scary, Ron taught me it was okay to make outrageous statements, Hermione taught me that you can be smart and share it. Luna taught me that it was alright to be a little looney, and Neville made sure it was okay to be a little off, too. These characters are a part of me, and helped me through some tough times. But the biggest accomplishment of all was that J.K. Rowling taught a whole generation of young people that it was fun to read. I am not ashamed to admit that it took me a while to be able to read silently to myself, age seven to be precise. Once I started, I never stopped. But Harry Potter was my first real venture into long chapter books, at age eight. Rowling's masterpiece made me realize that books were my escape, a handheld way to get away from reality's daily troubles. From then on, I have read everything and anything. I love love to read, and I am a regular at my local library. And I completely blame Ms. Rowling. I hope that Harry has managed to do for other children what he did for me, make me see that novels were a marvelous thing. Reading should never ever die, and there should always be books for children and adults of all ages to pick up and escape their lives. As long as you don't live inside fiction, an occasional escape is just fine.

My feelings about this though begin and end with the books. The films just never did it for me. I believe in order for a book to film franchise to work, they need to be stand alone movies, and I feel that you can be very confused if you have never ever touched a Harry Potter novel. That is not to say I don't go see them, or discourage others. But I feel that every person should at least try out Harry in book form too, as there is such depth to these books, the sheer detail insane. The woman put so much thought into each and every moment, it is a master piece for the ages.

I am a giant Harry nerd, but you probably would never guess until you get me talking. I didn't see the movie at midnight, I didn't dress up. But I did buy books four through seven at midnight and read them until I was finished. Books are like candy, they should be gobbled up, but savored. And Harry Potter novels are like that super special sweet that you want to eat over and over again. So thank you J.K., for introducing me to the most wonderful hobby I have. I truly appreciate it.

I wub you.

Little Nutbrown Hare was going to bed held on tight to Big Nutbrown Hare’s very long ears. He wanted to be sure that Big Nutbrown Hare was listening.

“Guess how much I love you” he said.

“I don’t think I could guess that” said Big Nutbrown Hare.

“This much” said Little Nutbrown Hare stretching out his arms as wide as he could go.

Big Nutbrown Hare have even longer arms. “But I love you this much” he said.

“Hmmm. That’s a lot” thought Little Nutbrown Hare

“I love you as high as I can reach” said Little Nutbrown Hare.

“I love you as high as I can reach” said Big Nutbrown Hare.

“That is very high” thought Little Nutbrown Hare. “I wish I had arms like that”

Then Little Nutbrown Hare had a good idea. He tumbled upside down then reached up the tree trunk with his feet. “I love you all the way up to my toes” he said.

“And I love you up to your toes” said Big Nutbrown Hare swinging him up over his head.

“I love you as I high as I can hop” laughed Little Nutbrown Hare, bouncing up and down.

“But I love you as high as I can hop” smiled Big Nutbrown Hare---and he hopped so high that his ears touched the branches above.

“That’s good hopping”, thought Little Nutbrown Hare. “I wish I could hop like that”.

“I love you all the way down the lane as far as the river”, cried Little Nutbrown Hare.

“I love you across the river and over the hills”, said Big Nutbrown Hare.

“That’s very far,” thought Little Nutbrown Hare. He was almost too sleepy to think anymore. Then he looked beyond the thornbushes, out into the big dark night. Nothing could be farther than the sky.

“I love you right up to the moon” he said and closed his eyes.

“Oh that’s far,’ said Big Nutbrown Hare. “That’s very, very far”

Big Nutbrown Hare settled Little Nutbrown Hare into his bed of leaves. He leaned over and kissed him goodnight. Then he laid down close by and whispered with a smile. “I love you right up to the moon---and back”.

From: Sam McBratney’s Guess How Much I Love You

To Infinity and Beyond.

Ever feel like you're falling down the rabbit hole, and you would give anything to just land on your feet in the next five minutes? That's how I feel right this very minute. I want to just be able to unjumble everything and figure it all out, but for some reason I can't. Boo. 

Love, love, love me.

I want to know what it is like to be in love.

Top 20 Reasons Why I Am An Awful Hipster

Reasons why I make a terrible hipster:

1. I smile all the time.

2. I only listen to mainstream music. I'm way too damn lazy to find stuff no one has heard of.

3. I'm in a sorority, and I adore it.

4. I say words like adore.

5. I refuse to tell anyone I know that I have a blog.

6. I'm a pretty positive person.

7.  My bicycle is not a fixie. In fact, I'm not entirely sure what a fixie is. A fake pixie?

8. My favorite movie is a Pixar cartoon, not some absurdist french movie no one has ever seen.

9. I'm secretly a small child, and have all the same interests as one.

10. Cigarettes make me ill.

11. I get cold when my tights are too ripped.

12. I like to wash my hair.

13. I don't own a giant Nikon or a polaroid camera.

14. I don't play an instrument. Or sing.

15. I wasn't aware that tumblr was mainstream...

16. I dislike Jack Kerouac.

17. I enjoy chick flicks.

18. I wear glasses because I've had a lazy eye since I was 4 years old, not to look cool. In fact, I only wear my glasses when it is absolutely necessary.

19. I am not attracted to hipster guys. 

And the top reason I make a terrible hipster, I will admit that I have hipster qualities and tendencies. (Ohhh the scandal!)

And that ladies and jelly beans is why I would make a horrible hipster.

Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel like you're less than perfect

I am overdramatic, and I talk WAY too much. My natural volume is loud, and I giggle non-stop. I only know how to laugh out loud, and yes, I insist on laughing at my own jokes. I might be the only one who thinks I'm funny, but I've come to terms with that. I am random, and will make a fool of myself anytime, anyplace. I have the maturity of an 8 year old combined with that of a mother of 5 children. I will never pretend to be someone I'm not. I will dance in public, and often to music no one else can hear. I march to the beat of my own drum. I'm not super hot or gorgeous. I don't have the best figure, and I am no model.  I do have a nice smile, and I smile often. I have long brown hair that I'm trying to grow out to "mermaid length".  I've never been kissed, but I've been on a bunch of bad first dates. I'm okay with not having a boy friend, and figure, if I've waited this long, I can wait a little longer for the real deal. I'm patient. I am a hopeless romantic and believe that there is someone for everyone. I change my mind every five minutes. I have an abstract idea on what I want to do with my life, but I know that life might take me on a path I haven't planned yet. I'm a messy eater, but I can cook circles around most college students. I'm an artist, and I strive to be creative in everything I do. I have more fun than anyone else at the gym, and I try to make every day more fun than the one before it. I'm that girl dancing on the ellipticals, in the parking lot, at your local school. I have no shame, and it's very hard to embarrass me. I never got on the vampire bandwagon. I think sunrises are more romantic than sunsets, because there only a select few watching them. Disneyland is my religion, and I'm a go big or go home kind of girl. I don't take life very seriously and it shows.

I am no where close to perfect, and I'm not trying to be. I am proud of who am, and who I have become. I know that I am going to do great things, and hopefully make a difference. Every woman should strive to be the best she can be, and not fit into any one box. No one's opinion should change how you feel about yourself, whether it be a guy, a friend, a family member. It's all about you, baby. 

Just Desserts

So I love all art. I've been a self professed artist since I was very little, and I have very many favorite artists. One of these includes Wayne Thiebaud. He is the artist that is known for painting food, and he does it spectacularly. It just has this hint of nostalgia, and technical-wise it's fantastic. I'm just obsessed so I wanted to share his work with you all.

Gloomy Tuesday

It's such a gloomy day outside, and I have nothing to look forward to besides studying and essay writing, so I've decided in order to cheer myself up, to bring back Monday inspirations but on Tuesday. Mixing it up.