Only fools fall in love

So remember when I warned you all that I would use this as a journal? Well, that time has come. So there is this boy I have known for going on five years now. For one and a half of those five years, I had a tiny crush on him. I suppressed my feelings because I felt like I was being silly, he was a year and a half younger than me. I vaguely referred to it at the time, and he was like oh, cool. Maybe he was too young to get that I wanted something more. After that blip, we became best friends. Then I went off to college, while he still had 2 more years of high school. I'd text him every so often, and I'd see him on break, but that was really it. Until this summer. We hung out all the time, mostly going to the local dog park with his golden lab retriever. We somehow became really close. And then we both went to college. Today we hung out again, and somehow, I'm attracted to him again. He's not that different, but I feel selfish. I don't want him going back, I want him to stay with me. I wanted him to man up, and kiss me. He got so close multiple times in those two hours we were at the dog park today. I swear, do I smell? Even if he had just grabbed my hand. MER. 

Missing you.

Have you ever missed someone much more than they could possibly miss you? I mean, it's very possible he misses me just as much, but he never says it first. It's always me saying that I miss him, and then he tells me that he misses me too. But does he really miss me, or does he just feel it'd be rude to not say so? I sometimes feel like I shouldn't miss this person, as they are two years younger and just starting college. And clearly, they never miss me first. But there is just something about this person where I know he is meant to be in my life, in whatever capacity. And because I know this, I will try my darndest to make it happen. I have no idea where our friendship is going to take us, but I desperately want to find out. I want this person to be in my life forever. So maybe I miss him more than I should. But is that really so bad?