600 Pillows

I've noticed I've started a trend of posting about my current obsessions. Well, I'm going to continue, because I just happen to ADORE my current obsession: novelty pillows. They're just so cute, and functional, and quirky, and did I mention cute? They are. Here's hoping you catch my obsession, I hear novelty pillow loving is contagious.

Nine Inch Nails

Lately I have been fascinated with the idea of intricate nail art. Now, I can't tell you if I would ever spend the money to get this done to my nails, mostly because I am known to chip manicures in about 2 seconds. But I marvel at the artistry, even if it at first looks tacky. They're beautiful, even if I would  never choose to put it on my own nails. The time and patience, and the pure imagination, I'm completely obsessed.

I mustache you a question, but I'll shave it for later.

I believe that every person has interests or likes that are a little offbeat or quirky. I happen to have many, but one of the most prominent is mustaches. Or really, the idea of something having a mustache that is not meant to have one. (Ie. children, animals, women, etc.) Something about it just makes me smile. I own a mustache mug, mustache band-aids, and a mustache lollipop. And I have always said that my soul mate will be willing to draw a mustache on his finger with me ( a favorite past time of mine). Mustaches are one of those things that as a girl, I shouldn't be fascinated with. I mean, if we have one, we're supposed to take them off, which I sorta agree with. But fake mustaches, anyone should be able to have one and whip it out whenever. I have been known to do so on several occasions. I know that my obsession is odd, but I'm okay with. I mean, it makes me a little bit more unique in a sea of conformity, right? And if it doesn't, well please feel free to join me in drawing a mustache on my finger.

Down the rabbit hole

Have you ever wondered if you ever really know what you're doing? This may sound strange, but I never really saw my life past high school. For some reason, it always went blank after the day I was supposed to leave for my freshman year of college. I had it all planned out, and then just... black. I don't really know what I thought would happen. Not quite die, but it was like after high school I wouldn't be responsible any more for the consequences. Well, this was two years ago, and I still feel like I'm free falling. I am literally making it up as I go, and it is the scariest feeling in the world. When you like having plans, not having them is the hardest thing to do. But as hard as I try, I can't make a concrete plan for myself. Let's just say, two years ago, I never ever thought I'd transfer colleges. I never thought that I'd move back home in order to save a little money. I never ever thought that I'd miss this place. I feel like everything is more confusing than I thought it would be. I've changed too, in a way I do not feel is for the better. Which may be why coming back to southern California is the best decision for me. Maybe I'll go back to being me. What I am doing is the scariest thing in the world, and I just keep trying to convince myself that it's alright and everything will be okay. Have you guys ever felt like this? I feel like I've been going down Alice's rabbit hole for two years now. I really just want to reach Wonderland already. 

Late Night Ponderings.

Do you ever wonder why things turned out the way they did? If it is a part of some grand scheme, or just by chance? I think about this all the time, in accordance with just about anything: friendships, potential love, school, family, life. I wonder if I was given a plan, and I'm just following it, or if I had said something else that one moment, would have my life turned out differently. Or not even necessarily my life, just that one fleeting moment in time. Everything could be different, in so many situations if I took the left path instead of the one on the right. If I had taken the leap and not listened to my mother when I applied for college, maybe I'd be somewhere I was truly happy, and not transferring two short years later. Maybe I'd be somewhere where I knew exactly what I was doing and had the best of friends.  If when his best friend said, "Do you like him?" and I had told the truth for once in my life, and said yes, would we have been together? Would we have forgotten the age difference, and be together? Would he have woken up and realized that it was me he liked, not my best friend? Or maybe the thing that caught my tongue wasn't me, but the greater plan. Maybe we're really not meant to be, and I  saved myself. Or I cost myself something that could have been wonderful. This is something I still grapple with, two years later. I feel like I missed out, because that one December night I freaked out and scoffed when someone said, "You two should date." We're still great friends, and maybe we're meant to be that way. I just worry that I missed out because I was too scared. And I use the age difference all the time as my excuse. The maturity gap can show, but then there are those magical moments when I remember why I liked him so much.  I feel like I romanticize the situation in my head, and this may be why I am so infatuated with the idea of love. 

With everything I do, I wonder if it's a plan someone else chose and I'm involuntarily following it, or if it's all me. 

And that my friends, is my 2am rant. Good night, and good luck.

Somewhere out there, if love can see us through...

I'm somewhat of a hopeless romantic. I don't know if you have caught on from previous posts, but I am in love with the idea of love. However, I have never been IN love. I'm not sure if I have ever been even close. But it's something I know I don't want to miss out on. I'm nervous that I will never find what I'm looking for. I am notoriously picky when it comes to guys, but I think it's because I am so scared. I want everything to be perfect, and I figure, if I've waited this long, I can wait a little longer. Most of the time, I am fine not being in a relationship. Who has the time anyway? But every so often, I'll hear a certain love song or see a particularly cute couple, and I'll get wistful, and a little jealous. Why can't I have that? Which right now is silly of me, someone who wants to transfer and go to a new school. And there's not a lot of prospects that fit what I want in a guy. (I am picky, after all) So I guess I should be alright. The topic of love always gets me a little phamished. Anyway, I wish everyone the best of luck in love.

Back to the Future...

Lately I've been thinking a lot about the future. And that, to me, means tomorrow, next week, next month, next year, twenty years from now. If I have to think about something further than fifteen minutes from right now, I consider it the future. Mostly because I have this need to know what I am doing, at every moment. Even if that "thing" is just sitting in my pj's on a Friday night, simply because I don't feel like going out and being social. I like plans, but I like spontaneity even more. Which is very contradictory. But back to what I mean by thinking about the future. I am trying to transfer from my university in Northern California to one in Southern California. Unfortunately, I made a disastrous calculating error, and I only have fifty-nine units, and I need sixty to transfer. Because of this, I am trying my darndest to get in, sending multiple letters and trying desperately to find a last minute class to take. It's making me panicky, because I hate not knowing what I am doing. If I don't get into this college, I will need to take a semester at a local junior college in Southern California, something I really really do not want to do. It is scaring me not knowing where my life is going exactly, especially when I decided to swerve off my life path and transfer schools. I am making a huge change, and I am not very good with change. This is one of the scariest things I have ever done. Cross your fingers and your toes for me guys. I need all the luck I can get.